My Gratitude to God

2010 has certainly served as a year of devastation and loss for many people that I know. How is it possible to go your entire life without ever seeing a baby casket, to instantly seeing one, and knowing about two more? It just does not seem right to me. Why should any mother ever have to suffer the pain of losing her baby? Let alone, why would God allow that to happen? I saw an inspirational video today about a man who has no limbs. Even with all of the obstacles he has in life, he is happy. The beginning of the video has a statement," We are put in situations to build character, not to destroy us." Reading this statement it definitely brings a whole new way of thinking to light.
My sister buried her son in February. As sad as that was for all of us to endure, I do believe that God was trying to teach us something. But what? Was he trying to humble us, bring us closer to him, challenge our faith, WHAT? It is so hard to understand because we only see such a small picture of what God has intended. We can see the here & now, we can see our past, but we can not see our future. Whilst God can. Am I happy that my nephew is gone? NO. I wish more than anything that he could be here with us, romping around with his cousins and causing ruckus just like the rest of them. Here is where my gratitude comes in. Be patient while I build up to it.
A few months past after that passing of my nephew, I was browsing around on Craigslist. I woman was asking for clothes for her baby because he was going to be born premature and at that point they had nothing to put him in. She was 18 weeks pregnant. Knowing that my sister lost her son at 21 weeks gestation, I knew the odds for this woman's baby, were not good. I reached out to her. I started conversing with her on face book and kept a close tab on what was happening in her life as far as the baby was concerned. After bed rest and ten weeks passed, she delivered her son. Everything was seemingly going great. Her son was doing well, although premature, his future was looking promising. I could not have been any happier. I prayed diligently for this baby. I wanted more than anything for him to survive. Sadly, the baby developed an infection. He had to undergo a couple of surgeries, had several feet of his small and large intestine removed, and later was declared brain dead. Instantly I was reminded of the pain and sorrow our family had endured just a few short months past. I was heartbroken for this young mother who for months stayed so optimistic and remained hopeful that her son would live a long and happy life. I also began to think about my sister and my nephew. I was never aware of the risks that there are to premature babies. I knew they were more susceptible to infection, but had no idea how severe. This young mother's entire experience was very eye opening for me. Thank God that my nephew only lived for half an hour. Thank God he did not have to suffer. Thank God that the only emotion he felt for his entire existence here on earth was love. My nephew felt no pain. He went to God very quickly. As sad as it makes me to think about him not being here with us, I am comforted knowing he is with God.
A few weeks passed and another friend of mine was expecting her son to be born. They will lay him in the ground tomorrow. Her pregnancy had complications the entire time. She knew that when he was born they were going to have to do open heart surgery, but the doctors had given her hope. It was certain that this little baby was going to live. This little guy only lived for 11hours, but in that time showed his family more love and compassion than I am sure they were expecting.
It makes me so sad to think about my friends and family who have had to bury their sons this year. It breaks my heart. While I have 8 angels watching over mommy, I never had to bury any of them. They were all sent back to God before I got to feel them kick. I am thankful that God did not make me personally feel the pain that these other mother's are feeling. Do I wish I had at least one of my angel's here with me? Of course! Do I wish that I could have held them and told them I love them? Of course! Do I think that they are in Heaven and already know that I love them? Absolutely! I kinda feel like God gave me all of my angels so that I could be strong for others. It is a very weird way to look at things, I know, but it is true. Had I not lost all of those sweet angels, I likely would not be as compassionate and caring towards my friends and family that have lost their babies.

May all of these angels be remembered forever!
My angels:
Haileigh
Camryn(+2 set of triplets not all were named)
Kaydence
Jayden
Lillie
CJ

My sisters angel
Nathan Kenneth Butts IV













Young mother's angel
Conner Post














My friends angel
Baby Bodey













AN ANGEL IN THE BOOK OF LIFE WROTE DOWN MY BABIES BIRTH, GENTLY WHISPERED AS SHE CLOSED THE BOOK, "TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR EARTH"