My life is a big, giant, enormous ball of confusion now

It has almost been two official weeks since our little Dallas came to us too early. My heart is still broken, but little by little we are piecing our lives back together. It will never be complete without him, but we are going to learn how to manage our life with him only as a could have been...
I had my gallbladder removed on Monday. I am in a tremendous amount of pain. The pain prevents me from crying over Dallas. I cant cry because it hurts too much. Literally. Maybe that is a good thing?

I am more IN LOVE with Tyler than I have ever been. He is a remarkable man. An incredible man. He has stood by my side through everything over the last two weeks. He hasnt budged. I will NEVER find a more loyal, loving, and concerned partner as I have found in him. I must marry him. I know I have had problems with his drinking...but that is literally THE ONLY problem I have with him. Everything else about him is incredible.

That being said. I am going to start talking to Tyler about our options. We will have a child of our own someday...even if I will not be able to carry it. I am thinking about potentially looking into surrogacy. It would give us a chance to have a baby of our own, without having to put my body at risk. I know that nothing will ever replace Dallas... the thing is...carrying him, I was shown how badly we both want a child together. I love Tyler so much and I want to be able to give him a child. I will, whether it be from my womb or not. Naturally, I want it to be. But suffering the loss of our sweet little boy, I dont know if I can endure the pain of that again. Dallas gave me hope. Now I dont know what to do.

Other than pray.