God's will for me is....still unknown

I think a lot about "where I was in life-this time last year"---especially lately. I think it is partially due to the fact that right around now I was newly expecting my bundle of joy. Fearfully walking into a pregnancy but confidently handing the results over to God. I put all of my trust into Him and believed He would bring my baby into my arms safely. What I realize now, that I didn't then...is that rather than following Gods will for me, I was asking Him to come to me and bless what I wanted for me. That is a hard pill to swallow. I want more than anything to have more children. I want to feel normal. I do not like feeling like a failure as a woman. I think the lesson here is that even though I am not perfect God loves me anyway. Not only does he love me, He has big plans for me. I can't wait. It brings me to tears to try and imagine what He is cooking up for my life. It must be incredible because all of the conditioning I have been experiencing is enough to create a champion :) So, with all of this being said...it is time to put one foot in front of the other and start marching to the beat of God's drum. Now, if only I knew what direction the noise was coming from....