It's raining outside so no one can see me cry

I woke up today feeling sad. I didn't shower (don't worry I don't smell.) I literally rolled out of bed, stumbled to the closet, grabbed the closest shirt- put it on and walked out the door. The shirt I chose was my "walk" shirt.

I prayed on the way to work for Tanner and his grades. I prayed that God would open my eyes and heart for what I need to see. And I thanked God for Dallas short but crucial existence.

A year ago, Tyler was still drinking heavy. I was miserable but I loved him so I tougher it out. I hated HATED hated Fridays.

Ever since we lost Dallas, Tyler has grown closer to God. His drinking has slowed WAY down (rarely ever gets drunk at all anymore in comparison to all week or weekend.)

It makes me wonder if Dallas was given to us, to change us...and bring us closer to God.
Only God knows...

Me and Tyler will soon be celebrating four years together. It's so hard to believe. He has made tremendous changes. I am so proud of him and all of his hard work.

I should also mention, that as I was stumbling around feeling sorry for myself, the song Blessings by Laura Story came on. Definitely put me in the mood for some tears! Cried my whole way to work...now it's make up time :)