I haven’t taken a lot of time for updates lately for a number of reasons, but primarily because I have been overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of a busy lifestyle. SO much has happened since I last time I made an entry so let me start by filling in some of the blanks. With my last post we were in the process of getting our foster license so we could adopt a little boy. We are licensed now. However, the little boy that we had dreams of adopting… is no longer an option. I spent 3-5 days a week playing the mother role for a child who I loved and cared deeply for, only to have him ripped out of my life the night before he was supposed to move in with us. The most hurtful part about that entire situation is that it was family that caused my heart so much heartache. I will explain because I am certain that details of this ordeal have not made their way to my blog. In February 2014 my 2nd cousin John and his wife asked if I knew anyone that could adopt the little boy that was living with them because his mother was clearly messing up and they couldn’t adopt him. I truly believed this to be a calling and jumped in head first. My desperation to be a mommy and his need for a mommy just seemed to make sense. I was all in, not 110% but at least a 1000%. I was for certain that this little boy, a distant relative of mine…was meant to be a member of our family. We all fell head over heels in love with him and for the next year we spent every waking second of our free time doting on him. He was loved, deeply. In January 2015 there was a court hearing to determine where the little boy would be living permanently as his mommy’s rights were officially terminated. He was up for adoption. Tyler and I went to court. My cousin and his wife did not. I was being told by my cousin John that he was in no way, shape, or form interested in adopting this little boy. His wife was consistently telling me she didn’t want to adopt him but wanted to stay a part of his life and wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him. I tried several times to have meetings with them so that we could all work out what would be best for the little boy…even if it meant that we stepped back… I loved him enough to sacrifice if needed. At the hearing, the judge told me and Tyler that he wanted the little boy with us but the current guardians, being tribe members, needed to make a decision on whether or not to adopt and once they decided not to, we would proceed to move him into our home. The night before the deadline that the judge gave my cousin and his wife for the little boy to move to our house, they changed their mind and decided to keep him. I got no phone call, I got an email from the adoption specialist and a text message from my cousin. That’s it. So my grieving started again. I hate to say it, but if I am being honest I did not respond with love and grace the way that I should have. I sent them an email telling them how hurt I was, but got no reply. I am bitter and I am angry with them… not for choosing to keep him, that I completely understand because he is an amazing little boy. What I am angry about is about how little respect they gave to me once they made the decision. I had their back and was at their beckon call for over a year to help raise that little boy that they brought into my life. They used me, chewed me up and spit me out. They took advantage of a mourning mommy for their own gain. I need to forgive them, I am just not sure how. They clearly are unaffected and unapologetic by the amount of heartache they have caused me. The only one hurting with this bitterness is myself. Ok so fast-forward...we have now taken in one foster placement officially. Two little baby girls came and stayed with us for 2 weeks. It was a lot of fun and I loved every single minute of it. I have agreed to take in another little boy however he hasn’t come yet. There is a chance that the little boy might be eligible for adoption later, we will wait and see on that one. So, needless to say…I have been the mommy to 3 little kiddos this year and by the end of the year it might be 4!