Lunch time full of thought

Some days I feel like giving up. Other days I feel like things are looking up. Either way, the days always end in the same direction. Leaning towards God. I do not always embrace His will the way that I should. It is hard at times to accept that MY will may not be His will. I know that he has been knitting my life together since long before I was born. I need to fully trust that He really does know what He is doing after all and that there are no mistakes. It just makes me wonder what exactly His plan is for me. I have never loved another person the way that I love Tanner. I have always believed my sole purpose in life was to be a mommy. I helped raise my siblings as a child, I took on many babysitting jobs, I love hanging out with my son, nieces, nephews, and children in general. In fact, the best job I ever had was in a daycare. Doesn't that mean that my purpose here is to serve children? I am passionate about children, about life, about giving them opportunity. Is this how He knit me? For children? Or have I completely misread all of it? My passion for children is guided partially due to my loss, but mostly because I selfishly use children to brighten my day. I don't care who you are, You could be having the worst day ever and a funny child walk in the room and your mood will instantly change. If not, you are not human! Part of me believes deep down that someday I will be adopting, the other part of me yearns for another baby of my own. Will it ever happen? I have no clue. All I know is the loss of little Dallas has shown me that I not only need to keep my faith with God but that Tyler really can be relied upon. He has held my heart together over the last several weeks. He knows when a meltdown is coming, I don't have to ask, and he is there. By my side. Incredible man I have <3