2 months and counting, the tears keep on coming...

It's been just over 2 months since I lost Dallas. Tomorrow will be 2 month since his funeral. They say time heals all wounds, I call their bluff. Perhaps my situation is rare, perhaps it is the norm. I cry daily, sometimes twice, sometimes all day. I think of my son and what he could have been and how he would have looked. How he and I would have had such a strong love and how well behaved he would have been. Smart too. I also think of God and how grateful I am for His love. I am comforted knowing that my son is with Him and I will get to see both of them someday. Honestly, I pray daily asking for guidance. Where does He want me to be? Am I to give up my hopes and dreams of having another baby? I think so. That is the one thing that has held me back from fully following Christ. Maybe this is the lesson. Who knows? If I quit yearning for a baby and trust that He really does have bigger plans for me than I do for myself, I wonder what it would be like. I had pretty much given up, and then along came Dallas. Carrying him renewed my hopes and dreams of having more children. Did I carry him for that reason? To renew my yearning? Lord I need your direction here more than ever. Do I continue trying for another child, or do I throw in the towel. Either way, I need to trust that you will lead me to where it is you want me to be. Lord please open my heart to hear your instructions for my life. Lead me where you want me, I will follow.