The stronger my faith becomes the more I am coming to terms with the acceptance of the ending of my relationship with Tyler. I need to walk a better path in order to fill my heart with the joy of the Lord. If Tyler wanted God as much as I do this would not be an issue. But the truth remains...he does not want anyone or anything but booze. This saddens me. A lot. I want so badly for him to Turn his life around and start living for Christ. I have prayed for change which now I know is somewhat selfish. I want Tyler to change so that I can keep my life how it is. Change is hard. I now realize it is me that needs to change. I need to get rid of the things in my life that pull me away from my walk with God. Cigarettes. Anger. Food in the extreme. And now Tyler. I adore him. However....we are not meant to be. It is not my job to change him. He needs to want change in order for it to happen and he sees no problem. I'm miserable because his alcoholism consumes MY life. I'm done. I give in. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can bot change. The COURAGE to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.
Friday, January 7, 2011
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