And the world continues on...without him

One of the girls that I was pregnant with is close with my brother. Since her baby's father isn't going to be around, my brother will me taking responsibility of her son. Here is the kicker, we were due within days of each other. I have always known that seeing her son was going to be hard, but now he is going to be my nephew. It's official. I struggle with this big time. I can not open my heart yet. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. My mom said to me tonight that I am going to need to... Yes, on one hand she is right. On the other hand, she has never felt the emptiness and complete darkness that consumes you after your dreams of having a baby are crushed. She had four perfectly healthy and normal babies. I had one, and NINE unhealthy pregnancies. I got to feel Dallas kick which was amazing in itself. He was strong and he held on as long as he could, but it wasn't long enough. Now I am left here to grieve and my life must go on without him. My friends are getting ready to be welcoming their bundles into this world as I am reminded of what I will not be getting. I really need to stop focusing on what I don't get and start focusing on some of the positives I have. For instance, although I have a gaping hole in my heart, I have Abrielle to fill it. It is unfair to my niece to "use" her as a bandaid but for me, that is what she is. My bandaid. I love her so much. :)